Why I Decided to Allow a Stranger to Babysit My Children
I became a first time mom almost a decade ago and I’m 32 years old. In the first five years of being a parent I became a mom again twice, and spent every day and night with my children. The only time I saw a break was when family members came to visit once or twice a year, or for quick runs to the store while leaving the children at home with their dad. All of my children were breastfed for over a year each, but BabyCake was the only one to never have a bottle touch her lips in life. So that meant she and I were inseparable. I love my children dearly, and I know you all can see that, but as an adult spending every hour with your children isn’t a healthy way to live.
One day I decided I wanted a healthy balance in life. To spend time with my children, but at the same time pursue the things I wanted to alone as well as have an adult life. I began seeking out a babysitter for my children.
Everyone doesn’t have an ill intent – I know we’ve seen a few bad stories on the news, but most people do not intend to harm your children. I shared a list of questions HERE to ask a potential sitter. There are reputable sites online that you can use to find a babysitter. They have background checks and references. Spend a day having face to face interviews with sitters you think will work well with your family. Use your gut feelings and do your own research. Most of my sitters have been enthusiastic college students looking to make additional income when they aren’t in class. I can tell that they genuinely love children.
My husband and I wanted time alone – Time alone as a couple is essential in the success of your marriage. Having a date night once a year when family came in town was not sufficient for our marriage. Children also need to see that their parents value their relationship together by spending time alone away from them. Recently my husband and I traveled to Miami sans kids and it was wonderful. We were only there for two days for business travel, but I didn’t feel any guilt about taking a trip without my children. My marriage comes first because our children are going to grow up, move out, and start families of their own. My husband and I will still be together once our children leave home.
It’s not that expensive – I incorporate paying a sitter into our monthly budget with any other bills we have. I pay my sitter $10 an hour to sit on my couch while my children sleep. If we spend $100 dollars for a sitter monthly, I just see that money as an investment into my marriage.
I need time alone – Because I am a homeschool and work at home mom, my family spends a lot of time together. I still need my time alone to relax and rejuvenate myself so that I can be the best to my family. It’s nothing better than walking through Target aisles alone and being able to shop without telling someone “Don’t touch that!”
The trend of not trusting anyone with our children should end. If you send your children to school, you trust them with strangers daily. Over time my sitters have started to feel like an extended family and my children are excited when they come to our home. It’s also a sad time when they have to move on because they got the job they always wanted and I have to begin my search again. I will have to allow someone new that we don’t know very well to come into our home and look after my children.
Do you have a regular sitter for your children? What holds you back from hiring a babysitter?
Ashley
22 comments
Tamara | Natural Hair Rules
October 28, 2015 at 11:53 amYes and yes. I lucked up and found someone very dependable that does child care at the local church (so has child care experience & a background check.) I like to steal away to workout. Self-care is so important!
Ashley
October 28, 2015 at 12:47 pmIt definitely is, Tamara! Thanks for reading!
Kara
October 28, 2015 at 12:00 pmI so need to do this because me and hubby are long overdue for a date night!
Ashley
October 28, 2015 at 12:47 pmThanks for reading, Kara! We let too many years go by without really spending time alone. We had to trust someone.
Aaronica (the crunchy mommy)
October 28, 2015 at 12:31 pmAshley. Thank you so much for posting this.
I haven’t used a sitter because of the reasons you said plus finances and since I’m being completely honest, I don’t know how to not be with my babies!!!
In my head, I know i need the time alone. And I do take it–2 hours at the gym daily–but I miss my husband a lot. Like I miss our date nights and alone time OUT. My youngest is still breast fed so she’s still attached mornings and evenings but we really need to do better about going out.
I do have trusted friends that have offered but we just haven’t taken them up on the offer. We’re both homebodies but I know we need to get prettied up and out.
Thank you for posting this and giving me some extra incentive!
Ashley
October 28, 2015 at 12:50 pmThanks for reading, Aaronica! If people offer, definitely take them up on it. The kids will be just fine and you will feel even better having invested some time into your marriage 🙂
Chanell Nicole
October 28, 2015 at 12:37 pmThis was right on time!!!
I have a day time sitter that teaches my daughter and watches her while I am working outside the house but I do not currently have an evening sitter. My husband and I are in dire need of a sitter because date nights are nonexistent. We only have one child right now and I can count on my hands the number of times we’ve been out at night since being married three years ago.
This must change because, as you stated, the marriage must come first.
Thanks so much!!
Ashley
October 28, 2015 at 12:52 pmThanks for reading, Chanell! After five years of not having a real sitter I just had enough. We have to invest that time in our marriage and date nights are fun 🙂
Rashida
October 28, 2015 at 12:45 pmThank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. I’ve already been wondering about babysitting/childcare & baby girl isn’t even here yet. I’ll definitely keep these things in mind for when the time comes!
Ashley
October 28, 2015 at 1:07 pmThanks for reading, Rashida! After a few weeks at home with a newborn, I promise you’ll be ready to break out of the house 🙂
Katherine G
October 28, 2015 at 1:03 pmGreat article! When my kids were younger we rarely went out without them. If we did we had family watch them. We couldn’t afford a babysitter but family lived closer to us. So we were blessed in that aspect but I’m sure if we knew a great babysitter that we would’ve taken advantage of it. You have to trust people cause life goes on. I think you have some great reasons.
Ashley
October 29, 2015 at 7:22 pmThanks, Katherine! I wish we had family nearby.
Britney
October 28, 2015 at 2:15 pmThanks for the encouragement! I need to let up, but it’s so hard! I have family, but I get tired of asking the same people all the time because I understand they have a life too and it’s not technically their “job”, although they don’t mind helping. I like how you mentioned you see the financial cost as an investment to your marriage. Great perspective 🙂
Ashley
October 29, 2015 at 7:23 pmThanks for reading, Britney! We have to invest in our marriages too.
MJ
October 28, 2015 at 3:56 pmYes and Yes Ashley! I totally agree with you. When the baby is a bit older, I will surely be using sitters. My niece is actual a Care.com sitter and is studying early childhood education so I will start with her but if need be I will use a stranger. We really need to start trusting again.
Ashley
October 29, 2015 at 7:36 pmThanks for reading, MJ! I agree!!
Zee
October 29, 2015 at 4:46 pmThank you for this article! It made me very emotional because its basically my story now. I had my first child at thirty three and got pregnant twice more each year there after. And I have a severe fear of leaving them with someone I dont know but I’m drained and my marriage is suffering. You’ve given me hope and insight, thank you.
Ashley
October 29, 2015 at 7:39 pmThanks for reading, Zee! When you’re ready and interview a sitter, make sure you spend time with them and see how they interact with your children. Do background checks and start off with maybe an hour or two and see how they are alone with her. Then you can increase your time away when you are comfortable.
Malaika
October 30, 2015 at 10:28 amThank you Ashely for as always “keeping it Real”. I love your site!!
malaika@loftandlearn.com
Renae
November 3, 2015 at 3:11 pmThis is something that I have always struggled with. All of your points are very valid, and I think its just something that a lot of moms struggle with. But, that lack of time with your spouse and even yourself suffers for sure if you don’t have a “sitter plan”.
Tanay
November 13, 2015 at 7:55 amI’m part of team paranoia! In almost 13 months I’ve been out (not including the store) like… Twice. I spend all my free time with RJ because I just can’t imagine a stranger watching him. He doesn’t even go OUT with his grandparents. We’ve let them watch him inside their homes but no one has taken him anywhere yet. I know this is just first time mom insanity lol. I’m slowly (read: very very slowly) learning to let go.
Pingback: